Men how to score with those hotties

World News:"Forget singles bars, on-line dating, and friends fixing you up on blind dates. If you're really serious about finding a date, you'll head to your local supermarket! So says Rod Forqeuwe, author of the self-help book, Bagging More Than Groceries. Tells many techniques to help men score. The produce section is filled with phallic shaped fruits and vegetables. Pick one up, hand it to the woman you want, and ask if she can help you tell if it's ripe. If she's interested in you, she'll actually start to subconsciously caress it. Similarly, in the meat section, hand your targeted hottie a rump roast and asking, Can you tell me if my rump is tender enough, or will I need to take it home and beat my meat? The theory here, is to get her smiling. Once she's smiling, she's in a receptive mood to be asked out. One time, I held up two packages of chicken breasts so that the woman's breasts were in between them, and innocently asked, Excuse me, could you help me choose which of these breasts would be most succulent in a white cream sauce? He remembers cooking her breakfast the next morning. Okay please don't tell me, you guys are running out the door to your local books. Sorry if you came up to me in a store and said these things, I'd think you were a FREAK!!"

Toilet-Paper union-workers may strike

World News:"In what could be the most serious crisis in the history of butt wiping, the world's supply of toilet paper may soon plummet to zero! This, thanks to a labor dispute that threatens to paralyze, a toilet paper conglomerate. According to union spokesman Harvey Jarvis, tens of thousands of factory workers are prepared to go on strike if certain demands are not met, including shorter hours, higher wages, and clothing optional Fridays. Still, factory-CEO Rupert Frelkey refuses to negotiate. Those ungrateful baboons, they get all uppity. To hell with them! I'm already a billionaire. If the factory goes down the toilet, what's it matter to me? I'll just hire new workers for less money, I produce over half the world's supply of t.p., a company-wide strike would send shockwaves throughout the globe. There are plenty of substitutes for toilet paper, worker's said, such as parking tickets, credit card bills, and wedding invitations. Remember, lots of cultures have never even heard of toilet paper take the French, for instance. Don't know about the rest of you, grass and weeds won't be wiping this back-side. I need my T.P. "

Tonzanique choose their king by his - Private Parts

World News:"The tiny principality of Tonzanique has a unique way of choosing its king and queen. It picks them by the size of their sex organs! We believe that the man with the biggest penis is the one who will protect us best, says Tonora Kihali, Tonzanique's Minister of Information. And believe me, the king we have now will keep us VERY safe, Kihali sighs. Tonzanique was once a British colony, but it rebelled in the 1800s. Our greatest warrior, Colin Silver, almost single-handedly beat the British, and was known for his legendary endowment. After Tonzanique won its independence, they anointed Silver king. Unfortunately, Silver married his sister, who was also extremely well-endowed, with DDD-size breasts. They sired six children, all of whom were feeble-minded and physically unremarkable. The offspring weren't fit to rule, so Tonzanique decided to change how it picked a king and queen. We decided to go with what got us independence in the first place, Kihali says.-A prodigious package.- Whenever the king dies, men and women each compete in the three-day -Festival of Gonads to pick their new rulers- But can not have the same parents.Well excuse me guy's, but what does having a big (member)have to do with running a country? You could still be, dumber then a bag of rocks"